


La Femme Accident

by mrsexypantspalin



Category: Monty Python's Flying Circus
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-05-09 01:17:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14706383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrsexypantspalin/pseuds/mrsexypantspalin
Summary: Inspired by the OMD (Orchestral Manoeuvres In the Dark) song La Femme Accident. The song is easily available on YouTube. I'd recommend the full 6 minutes 17 minute version as it's a bit faster than the single version. Set in 1972, alternative universe where Michael Palin did travel shows before he was in Monty Python. 21 year old Lorelei Anderson meets Michael Palin at a coffee shop they both go to regularly. Although they get off to a rocky start, they eventually start dating. Michael discovers a lot about Lorelei's true character and past as time goes by. Are they meant to be?





	1. The Coffee Shop

 Michael was sipping his usual coffee in his local coffee bar. He was going through his script for the next travel show he was due to start filming for in the next three months.

Just as he was about to turn onto the third page, the loudest voice he’d ever heard interrupted his train of thought.

“What do you mean you’ve ran out of bacon?”

Michael tutted then rolled his eyes.

_There’s always one who has to complain about the smallest things…_

“I’m sorry madam but we won’t be getting our bacon order till later this afternoon, perhaps you’d like to come back later?”

“What’s the bloody point of having a bacon and sausage sandwich in the afternoon? They’re for breakfast!”

She let out a deep sigh and rummaged through her handbag. She reached out her purse, then rolled out a joint. She lit the joint and inhaled deeply.

Michael started to cough. Oh how he hated the smell of weed and cigarettes. It was only 4 years ago he stopped smoking altogether. This girl was really starting to annoy him. She sounded like a right spoilt brat!

“Can I just have a black coffee then?”

Michael piped up after the smell became unbearable.

“You know you shouldn’t be smoking those in a public place right?”

“What are you the weed police?”

She gave her money to the Barista and carried on smoking her joint. Michael carried on reading his script hoping that would be the end of dealing with silly children.

Lorelei certainly was a grumpy cow at this time of the morning! She knew she’d feel better with her usual black coffee. She stared at the man who told her off for smoking. She could swear his face looked familiar… She put out her joint and grabbed her coffee and decided to sit next to him.

“Hey.”

Michael looked up and saw it was that loud girl. Least she wasn’t smoking weed any more.

“Hello.” Said Michael with a smile. Well he had to be polite didn’t he?

“Sorry about me being a cow, I’m really awful in the morning. I’ll be fine once I get this coffee down me. I know you from somewhere…”

“Don’t worry about it, I’m a bit sensitive about cigarette smoke, it wasn’t so long ago I quit smoking you see.”

“You’re Michael Palin aren’t you? Famous travel presenter? I love your shows!”

Michael blushed slightly.

“Yes I am, thank you very much. I am going into comedy soon with some friends of mine from my Do Not Adjust Your Set days!”

“That sounds so cool! So you’re doing a show with Terry Jones and Eric Idle?”

“Yes as well as John Cleese, Graham Chapman and an American Terry Gilliam, he did some animation for us on the show.”

“Oh yes they were on At Last the 1948 show. By the way my name is Lorelei.”

_What an unusual name…_

“Were you named after the Marilyn Monroe character in Gentleman Prefer Blondes?”

“Haha no, I was born just before that film came out. Actually I’m named after a siren who lured fishermen to their deaths with her singing.”

Michael raised his eyebrow out of interest. Lorelei once she took a big gulp of coffee felt ready to tackle the day.

“You don’t meet many Lorelei’s…”

“Haha no you don’t. I guess I’ll just have to grab some breakfast at my uni!”

“Ah you’re a student?”

“Yeah I’m an English student. Last year for me.”

She looked at her watch and saw she had about half an hour to grab some breakfast before her lecture started.

“Right well I better hurry to my lecture, see ya!”

_What a remarkable girl._

The next few months Michael was busy filming his latest travel show, he was to film around the Antarctic. It was very cold but very enjoyable! Lorelei on the other hand was busy revising for her exams. She still visited her favourite coffee shop and wondered where Michael was.

After a busy 5 months of filming, Michael had finally finished what was to become Pole to Pole. As a reward for enduring ice cold temperatures, he went into his favourite coffee shop. Oh how he missed the smell of freshly brewed coffee!

He saw Lorelei, a joint between her fingers and eating a bacon and sausage sandwich.  She was reading a book and Michael knew she was getting all grease on the pages. It was a pet hate of his! So he went over to her table. She looked up from her book.

“Oh hey Michael back from your travels?”

“Yes indeed, I’m glad to be back in the warmth it was so bloody cold! Is that your book?”

“Yeah it’s for my course, besides I love to do a bit of reading before my lecture, it gets my brain into study mode!”

“Probably not a good idea to read a book whilst eating, you’ll end up getting grease all on the pages and they might end up sticking together!”

“So now you’re the book police? It’s my own copy anyway so if it gets damaged I’ll just buy another one.”

She slammed the book down, then put the book in her pocket, stubbed out her joint then walked out of the café, slamming the door behind her.

_Well that was extremely childish._

For a few weeks Michael didn’t see Lorelei at all at the café, had he really offended her that much?


	2. Lorelei meets The future Pythons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lorelei meets The Pythons with disastrous consequences!

This time Michael was on the way to a meeting with Terry Jones, Eric Idle, Terry Gilliam, John Cleese and Graham Chapman to discuss their ideas surrounding their new comedy programme. He saw Lorelei walking past him.

“Lorelei!”

She completely ignored him and carried on walking.

He called out her name again.

“Lorelei!”

She turned round and rolled her eyes.

“What do you want?”

“Aren’t you acting a little childish?”

“Excuse me?”

“Ignoring me like that. It’s a bit of a long time to be holding a grudge.”

“Who the fuck are you to lecture me about morals?”

“Oh come on, you are acting a little silly.”

“So now you’re talking to me as if I’m a naughty child. Shall I go and sit on the naughty step?”

 

Michael rolled his eyes and sighed. For someone who was in her last year of university study, she acted extremely immature…

 

“Now you’re just being ridiculous! Look can’t you just forgive me and move on?”

 

Lorelei let out a deep sigh.

 

“Alright fine, whatever. What you doing here anyway?”

“On my way to meet up with the lads to discuss our ideas for this upcoming show we’ve got planned.”

“Oh yeah course I remember you saying. Well have fun.”

 

She trotted off in the direction she was heading with her nose firmly up in the air.

 

_Man I cannot read that girl. She’s so hot and cold!_

 

Lorelei thought to herself, was she really that complicated? It was part of her act, a flaw, to keep people interested in her because she considered herself so boring.

She went to the library and wrote down some notes from a few books. God she’d be glad not to see another book in her life! She wondered if any of Michael’s travel books were in the library? Not that it mattered to her as she did have all of his books at home!

 

The meeting between Michael and his fellow comedic friends went well, they bounced ideas off each other, it was brilliant!

 

“Well that was a very productive meeting lads! Question is, what on earth are we gonna call the programme?” Said John Cleese.

The guys all put their thinking caps on, Baron Von Took’s Flying Circus, The Toad Elevating Moment, Owl Stretching Time but none of them seemed to fit the theme of the

show.

“Oh well the BBC are gonna love us when we put forward our idea for the show!” said Michael.

 

After spending a good four hours in the library, she needed her coffee! She went outside, lit a joint and headed to her favourite coffee shop, hoping to catch a glimpse of Michael and the comedic geniuses at work.

 

As she suspected, they were in the coffee shop, being extremely loud! She laughed to herself.

Michael spotted her at the counter.

“Lorelei!”

John and Eric raised their eyebrows and looked at each other in shock. They’d never seen Michael react like that to a woman before! To be honest they’d given up all hope of Michael ever finding a woman.

 

“Oh hi Michael, oh my god is that John Cleese?”

 

John heard his name and jumped up from his seat.

 

“The very man, did I hear your name was Lorelei?”

“You heard correctly, I love your work by the way, you, Graham, Tim and Marty, you’re all brilliant!”

“What a very pretty name, thank you very much I’ll take the compliment on behalf of all of us.”

 

Michael rolled his eyes.

 

_The Cleese charm is in full force… For goodness sake the man is married!_

 

Lorelei giggled slightly but was of course completely immune to John’s apparent charm. The Palin charm was another matter…

 

“Would you like to sit with us? Be nice to hear to a woman’s perspective!”

Lorelei frowned. Should she be offended by that?

“Erm what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, we’re all a group of lads and be nice to hear a fresh perspective?” Piped up Terry Jones.

“Oh. Okay, sure!”

 

Lorelei paid for her coffee and placed it on the table. Michael like the gentleman he was, grabbed a seat for her to sit on.

 

Lorelei as much as she loved these guys, didn’t know the first thing about comedy! Yes she did English and she knew Eric and Terry were both English graduates but that didn’t mean she knew the same amount about comedy writing as them. She suddenly felt very nervous. She didn’t want them to be angry with her if she put forward an opinion she didn’t like. The outsider status came back to greet her once more.

 

“Uh, not that I’m an expert in comedy, that’s you guys of course but I really like all the sketch ideas you’ve brought forward.”

“Well that opinion doesn’t help us move forward does it?” said John.

“What kind of opinion did you want then? What the bloody hell do I know about comedy anyway? Honestly you ask for my opinion then you moan when I give it, god there’s never any justice in this world…”

 

She drank the last of her coffee and walked away.

 

“Bloody women.” John muttered.

“I heard that!”

 

She slammed the door shut and proceeded to walk home. Luckily her halls of residence wasn’t far away, she lit another joint and let all the smoke be consumed inside her body, she felt surprisingly calm. Her flatmate was in the kitchen when she got back, she was casually cooking bacon sandwiches.

“Oh hi Lor, how was your session in the library?” said Maisie.

Although Lorelei found Maisie to be a pain in the arse a lot of the time, they were the best of friends and she’d helped her through a lot lately.

“Surprisingly productive though I don’t think I want to see another book for a while!”

“Ha that seems fair! See Michael Palin at all?”

“Yeah I did in the usual coffee shop with none other than John Cleese, Eric Idle, Terry Jones and Terry Gilliam, you know the American who did the animation on Do Not Adjust Your Set?”

“Oh my god really? Honestly Lor you’re so lucky!”

“Wouldn’t say that, you know they asked me for my opinion on the sketches they’d thought up and when I said they were all great they moaned at me? Honestly they’re right arseholes.”

 

“Is she always like that?” said Eric.

“Like what?” said Michael.

“Hot tempered. She seems the type of woman who’d kick off over the slightest thing.”

“Well the first time I met her, she was arguing with the Barista about there being no bacon and sausage sandwiches.”

“Oh Christ Mike she sounds a complete nightmare, steer clear, women like that cause you nothing but trouble!” said Graham.

“How the bloody hell would you know Gray, you’re into men!” said Michael.

It was quite amusing to think they were both moaning about each other in their own way.

“Do you like her?” said Terry J.

“She spends most of the time being mad with me…”

“So in other words yes?” piped up Terry G.

Terry Gilliam loved nothing more than to tease Michael, much to his annoyance!

“I can never seem to read her…”

“Mike that’s like every woman, I know I’m newly married but I still have trouble reading Maggie!” said Terry G.

 

“Do you like him though, Michael?” said Maisie.

She was just putting two lots of bacon onto two already buttered pieces of bread. Why she buttered the bread, Lorelei had no idea but everyone had their funny ways!

“Well he’s very attractive… But I dunno he infuriates me a lot of the time with his ways.”

“So you do like him…”

“I don’t know how to act around him and I think I just irritate him too much. He does talk to me like a child a lot…”

“Is that maybe because you act like a child?”

Lorelei raised her eyebrow in response. It was true though but when you feel like the world is against you, you’re bound to be a little angry!

 

Lorelei’s dissertation was nearly complete and she knew she was near the end of her studies. It was time to get a job!

Lorelei, though she was many things, one thing she wasn’t was a shirker. Except she didn’t know what career to go into. Nevertheless she applied for any job that was going.

 

Again she saw Michael in the coffee shop.

“We can’t keep meeting like this.” Said Michael with a smile.

“Well where else are we supposed to meet? In a restaurant?” said Lorelei with a slight grin.

Was she flirting with him? Man the girl was so confusing to him.

“Ha we can do if you like? Sorry about the guys, well John for being a dick to you. He just says things to be offensive.”

“It’s okay, I know what he’s like. So do you wanna go on a date with me then?”

Michael started to blush. He did want to go on a date with her but he didn’t know how she was going to be.

“Yeah be nice to get to know you better.”

“So 6pm tonight? Your choice where we go, I’m not like some hippie who is vegan and that.”

“But I don’t know where you live!”

“It’s not far from the coffee shop, just wait outside there for me.”

“I think I know where you mean. Oh well 6pm it is!”

 

They sat and chatted for a while.

“So when is your meeting with the BBC about your new programme?”

“Next Monday, I’m not feeling very confident about it! We hardly have any ideas about the structure of the show!”

“Oh god if it was me I’d be shitting it! If they said no I’d be there thinking, yep definitely not any justice in this world, the whole world is against me.”

_God isn’t she being a little dramatic? Is her life really that bad?_

“So 6pm outside your halls of residence?”

Was that a hint on his part for Lorelei to make a swift exit? Had she freaked him out with her dramatic statement?

“Yes that would be lovely thank you. See you then!”


	3. First Date and Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael and Lorelei have their first date. Will all go to plan? Also warning there is a mention of something sexual, it's nothing descriptive just a casual mention of oral sex.

In a matter of five minutes, Lorelei was back at the flat and it seemed Maisie had gone out.

 _Good, means I won’t get loads of questions about where I’m going…_ Maisie had assumed the role of mother since the first year of uni.

 

Now she had to decide what to wear…

 

Michael on the other hand had just got to the car park and was driving back to Hampstead Heath. It was a long way to go for a cup of coffee! But he enjoyed the atmosphere, not to mention the coffee.

 

Lorelei was frustrated, if she knew where she was going, she’d know what to wear!

After much rummaging through her wardrobe, she found what she thought was the perfect outfit for the occasion.

A pair of flared jeans with a long sleeved pink shirt that was tied in the middle so it showed a little bit of her stomach. Well it was warm weather! But was it too much?

 

Michael decided to wear a blue and white checked shirt and a pair of blue jeans. He was a bit nervous about going to the wrong student accommodation, after all there was a lot of them dotted about London!

He set off at about 20 past 5 just in case he got lost, after about 20 minutes he thought he’d found the right place.

 

Just as Lorelei was finishing off her makeup and sprayed a little bit of perfume, she noticed a car parked outside, was it Michael’s?

 

How was he going to get her attention? He daren’t press the buzzer in case he pressed the wrong button and buzzed the wrong flat. Come to think of it, she hadn’t even said what flat she lived in any way! So the only way of grabbing her attention was to honk the horn.

 

Just as Lorelei was brushing the ends of her hair, she heard the honk of a horn. She looked out the window and saw it was Michael making the sound. What the hell was he playing at?

She rushed downstairs and banged on his car window. He wound the window down in response, he had a puzzled look on his face.

“Why you honking your horn? I already knew you were here…”

“Sorry I didn’t want to ring the wrong buzzer and thought it would be a way of getting your attention.”

He tried not to lose his temper with her.

_God the date hasn’t even started and she’s having a go at me already! Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea…_

“Oh yeah good point, sorry!”

 

She jumped in the passenger side and Michael drove off to wherever they were heading.

 

Michael had the radio on a low volume and he was humming to himself. Lorelei giggled to herself, he wasn’t the best of singers!

_Good job he’s known for being a good travel presenter and not as a rubbish singer!_

“You laughing at my singing?”

“A bit but then I’m not that good a singer myself!”

“I like having a sing in the car though I get a bit embarrassed about my singing when in the company of someone, well a woman.”

“Oh sorry…So, uh, where you taking me for dinner?”

“Just a restaurant near where I live. They do the most scrumptious steak!” He said with a smile.

_He has a lovely smile, just hope this steak is as good as he makes out!_

 

After about 15 minutes, Michael parked the car and helped Lorelei out of the car. It was then he noticed what she was wearing. He stared at her for a moment.

“Something up?” said Lorelei.

_Wow she looks beautiful. How come I never noticed this before?_

“Oh nothing. You look really nice.”

She smiled and blushed slightly.

Michael shut the car door and locked it. 

 

They reached the entrance to the restaurant and Michael looked at her.

“Shall we?” He held out his arm.

She responded by linking her arm with hers.

 

When they walked into the restaurant, Lorelei felt very out of place. And very underdressed. It made her feel like a commoner, someone who should be serving the food, not eating it.

A waiter came straight up to them.

“Good evening sir, madam, may I take your coats?”

“Of course.”

The waiter took their coats and hung them on the coat rack.

“Thank you, table for two please.” Said Michael.

“Certainly sir. Would you follow me?”

 

Lorelei’s throat felt dry. It was like as she was walking through the restaurant, the people at the different tables were staring at her, judging her.

Michael sensed her nervousness. He squeezed her hand slightly. Lorelei really appreciated that.

They sat at their designated seats and the waiter gave them the menus.

 

“Here are your menus. I’ll just give you chance to have a look through them and be back in about 5-10 minutes?”

“That’s lovely. Thank you very much.” Said Michael.

The waiter nodded and smiled then walked off.

“You okay?” said Michael with a smile.

“Yeah I’m fine, just feel a bit out of place here.”

Michael put his hand on top of hers, squeezed it and smiled.

“Hey don’t. You have a right to be here just like everybody else. Ignore all the snobbery, I bet they’re just thinking what a lucky man I am to be taking a young lady like you on a date.”

 

Lorelei blushed and smiled. Man he was so nice, too nice for the likes of her.

Lorelei looked at the drinks menu and the first thing she saw was the price.

_Bloody hell 6 pound for a glass of white wine? I can’t afford a drink here let alone any food!_

 

“What’s with the face?” said Michael.

“It’s just the prices, they’re so expensive! A normal person couldn’t afford this, let alone a student!”

“Well you won’t have to worry about that because I’m paying.”

“Michael are you sure?”

“Lorelei, I wouldn’t be a very good date if I didn’t pay for the first date…”

The waiter then returned with a small notepad and a pen.

“So what would you like to drink?”

“Uh, I’ll have a white wine please.” Said Lorelei.

“And you sir?”

“Red wine please.”

“Great, I’ll bring those drinks over in the next 5 minutes.”

“Thank you.” Michael and Lorelei said in unison.

“Gotta say this, the service is really good here!” said Lorelei.

“Yes they really look after you!”

 

Michael had an image in his head of a sketch John and Graham had written about a restaurant. He had a little giggle to himself.

“What’s up?”

“Oh just thinking of a sketch John and Graham have written. It’s set in a restaurant.”

“A restaurant like this one?”

“Yep exactly like this but luckily our cutlery looks very clean!”

The joke went completely over Lorelei’s head but she presumed it was relevant to the said sketch. She had to wait until the TV series came out to see it in action!

 

The waiter returned with the drinks. Thank god as Lorelei was getting incredibly thirsty!

“I’ll be back in about 10-15 minutes to take your food orders.”

 

Once the waiter had gone out of sight, Lorelei tasted the wine. It was very strong but so nice!

“Nice wine?” said Michael.

Lorelei had taken another drink by the time Michael asked her that and could only mumble an mm in response!

“Take that as a yes!” Michael took a sip of his red wine.

“Yes see what you mean!”

“Yeah it’s so nice! Should be at this bloody price!”

 

Lorelei and Michael then perused through the menu. It did look all very nice and extremely posh! The steak was the thing that caught her eye and after all Michael did say it was to die for.

The waiter came back and both gave their orders of steak. Lorelei liked hers well done whereas Michael liked it medium rare. Lorelei took another sip of wine. It really was very nice!

 

“Enjoying that wine?” said Michael with a grin.

“It’s so nice!”

“So tell me about yourself.”

Lorelei hated that kind of question, what was she to say about herself?

“My full name is Lorelei Jean Anderson, born 2nd December 1952, from Shrewsbury originally and my favourite bands are The Beatles and The Byrds.”

“The Byrds? Roger McGuinn is a big fan of my travel shows you know.”

Lorelei raised an eyebrow and her eyes widened. She absolutely adored Roger McGuinn! She felt the inner fangirl come out.

“Oh my god really?” she said in a slightly squeaky voice.

“Yeah he told me.”

“You’ve met him?” she said in a slightly lower but still squeaky voice.

“Yeah a couple of times at social events.”

Lorelei had a big grin on her face. Michael was such a celebrity, meeting famous musicians and the sort.

“You met Paul McCartney?”

“Mm once or twice. I am a famous travel presenter after all!” he said with a wink.

 

“Wow you’re so cool! So tell me about you.” She took another sip of wine.

“Full name is Michael Edward Palin, born on 5th May 1943. I’m originally from Sheffield, went to Shrewsbury Public School then to Oxford to study History, bit of a boring git really.”

“I don’t think that at all, ha I know Shrewsbury School, it’s not too far from where I live actually.”

“Oh great! What made you want to move all the way to London to study English?” said Michael.

 

Lorelei took a big gulp of wine, it was her way of forgetting just how hungry she was! She could feel herself getting tipsy, this could only end bad…

“Just wanted to get away I suppose, wasn’t much to keep me in Shrewsbury. Can be a little boring, a little town in the country!”

“That seems fair, don’t your parents miss you?”

Lorelei took another gulp of wine. One thing she hated talking about more than anything in the world was her bloody parents!

“If they do, they certainly don’t show it!” she said slightly slurred and in a slightly loud voice.

“Don’t you visit them when you’ve got time off?”

“Course I bloody don’t, they’re never here!”

 

A couple of minutes later, the steaks arrived and she started eating as soon as it was put on the table.

Michael did a little smile to himself.

“Hungry are you?”

“Absolutely bloody starving.” She said with her mouth full.

Michael was right the steak really was to die for! The steak was cooked to perfection, the peppercorn sauce was the nicest she’d ever had and the chips were delicious! How many first dates are as good as this?

 

“It’s nice isn’t it?”

“Absolutely delicious! Good shout taking me here!”

“I’m so glad you like it. Do you want me to order some more wine?”

“Ooh yes please!” she said with a grin.

Michael ordered some more wine and Lorelei remembered why she didn’t drink wine that often…

 

She giggled at everything Michael was saying although he was indeed a very funny guy.

“Soooo what music do you like Mikey?”

“All sorts really, I do like The Beatles like yourself.”

Lorelei had another guzzle of wine. She was really drunk now!

“Aw don’t you have good taste?”

She squeezed his dimples. Michael responded with a blush. He knew she was acting this way because she was tiddled but it didn’t make him any less embarrassed! He certainly wasn’t buying her any more glasses of wine!

“I guess I do.”

“Ya know I usually give men with good taste in music a blow job.”

Lorelei said it so casually and Michael’s eyes widened.

“Pardon?”

“You know a blow job, cock sucking, men like that right?”

 

Michael didn’t know how to respond. He knew she was making a spectacle of herself without even realising it. This was because her voice was naturally very loud and people sat on the other tables were looking in his direction. He just wanted the ground to swallow him up.

 

“I’ll be back in a second just going to get the bill for us!”

The room started spinning a bit for Lorelei and she was feeling incredibly sleepy. She found herself leaning her head onto the table and before she knew it, she was fast asleep.

Michael came back to the table after paying the bill and saw Lorelei asleep at the table. He sighed and rolled his eyes.

He shook her gently to try and wake her up. After a few minutes, Lorelei woke up. She remembered where she was. She jumped up.

 

“Paid the bill?” she said sleepily.

She yawned slightly. She was about to rub her eyes until she realised she had makeup on.

“Yeah, come on lets get you home.” Said Michael with a smile.

Once Lorelei got into the car and Michael turned on the engine and started driving, she was fast asleep. Michael turned for a moment whilst driving to look at her. She looked kinda cute asleep. Like all her troubles had gone away for the time being.

 

As soon as he pulled up outside her accommodation, Lorelei woke up. She’d had a good night but she knew she’d made a complete arse of herself. Now she remembered why she didn’t drink much…

 

“Well here we are…” said Michael.

“Yeah…I had a really good night and the meal was amazing. Sorry I got a bit drunk, I’m not used to drinking you see.”

“Maybe lay off the wine next time we go out.”

“Probably a good idea. Well goodnight.”

 

She got out the car and kissed Michael on the cheek. He responded with a smile.

When Lorelei got back to her flat, she found Maisie waiting for her.

 

“When were you going to tell me about your date with Michael Palin eh Lor?” said Maisie, her hands on her hips.

Lorelei rolled her eyes.

“Don’t be daft course I was going to tell you. I mean apart from getting extremely drunk on wine, it was a really good night. I’m hoping there’s a next time!”

“Aw well I’m glad it went okay. Anyway I’m off to bed, see you tomorrow!”

 

Lorelei stayed in the kitchen for a bit smoking a joint. It made her incredibly sleepy which was her cue to go to bed.

 

Michael once he got back home thought about how the night on the whole had gone. He hoped the date would give him more of an insight into what made Lorelei tick. In fact it made him even more confused about the type of girl she was. Maybe he had to take her on more dates to really get to grips with her character?

He did notice how pretty she looked and probably guessed she was nervous at being in a restaurant of that class hence the large amount of wine drinking! Still he had a good night and did want to see her again.

 

Lorelei woke up early next morning with a banging headache. She sipped some water she’d obviously put on her bedside table before she went to bed. It seemed her drunken self was thinking of sober Lor! The phone in her room started to ring and she thought it might be Michael.

 

Turned out it was from a company she’d applied for a few days ago, offering her an interview. After she got off the phone, Maisie burst into her room.

 

“So who was that on the phone?”

“Just somewhere I applied to offering me an interview.”

“Ooh great! What as?”

“A copywriter. It’s a start I guess.”

“It’s a great star Lor! Especially if you want to go into the writing business.”

“That’s true, everyone has got to start somewhere!”

 

In one sense she wished it was Michael who had rang her. But she hadn’t given him her telephone number had she? Unless she’d said it whilst she was drunk?

 

Maisie on the other hand was busy studying for her summer exams. She studied a different subject to Lorelei, maths. Which also happened to be Lorelei’s worst subject!

 

Suddenly the flat buzzer started to ring. Who could that be? She certainly didn’t remember telling Michael which flat she lived in? She could have said it when drunk she supposed…

 

“Aren’t you going to answer that?” said Maisie.

“Can’t you? I’ve got to get washed and dressed!”

“Okay fine, I’ll answer it.” Said Maisie with a deep sigh.

“Hello?”

“Hi it’s Michael, is Lorelei there?”

“She is but she’s getting dressed. I’ll let you in though and you can wait for her.”

“That would be great thank you.”

 

Lorelei popped her head out of the bathroom. She had face cream on her face.

“Was that Michael?”

“Yeah I’ve sent him up.”

“What? But I’m not even dressed yet!”

“Relax Lor, I’ve told him to wait while you get ready.”

“Well I’d better hurry up then.”


	4. Trip to Margate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lorelei and Michael go on their second date with a surprising cliffhanger! There is some reference to religion. Just a note I don't have any issue with religion, people are allowed to believe in whatever they want and I respect that. I feel the same as the Pythons feel about religion, there is a side to religion I don't like such as how it's used to justify wars and terrorism and how people can easily manipulate what the Bible says for their own means.

There was a gentle knock on the front door. Maisie rushed to the door and answered it.

 

“Oh hi Michael come in. I’m Maisie, Lor’s flatmate. Take a seat on the sofa and she’ll be with you soon. Do you want a drink or anything?”

“I’ll have a coffee please.”

“How many sugars?”

“Just two and just a bit of milk.”

“Okay coming right up!”

 

Maisie put the kettle on then knocked on the bathroom door.

 

“Lor are you nearly done? He won’t wait forever you know.”

“I’m just doing my makeup. You can chat to him while I’m getting ready can’t you?”

 

Maisie rolled her eyes and let out a deep sigh.

 

“Alright if I must!”

“She won’t be long Michael. I’ll just finish off making your coffee.”

 

In the meantime Michael had a nosey around the flat. It looked a lot better than the student accommodation he stopped in and that was in Oxford!

Lorelei had finally finished off doing her makeup and then had the pleasure of trying to choose an outfit. She wasn’t sure why she was making such an effort to impress Michael, she just didn’t want to look like she’d just woken up.

 

Since the weather was fairly pleasant, she decided to wear her flower jumpsuit.

Maisie brought Michael’s coffee in and placed it on the coffee table.

 

“Thank you. I say, the accommodation here is pretty posh!”

“It should be the amount of money we pay for it each year!”

“Well London accommodation is pretty pricey anyway to be honest.”

 

Lorelei then walked into the living room. She stared at Michael for a while. God he looked gorgeous. She just wanted to ruffle his hair! She took a deep breath and smiled at Michael. He smiled back.

 

“Oh hi Michael, what are you doing here?”

“Sorry to impose on you like this without even contacting you but I just wondered if you fancied going out for the day, that’s if you’re not busy or anything…”

Michael looked at the floor and started to blush.

Lorelei smiled.

“I’d love to. Where did you have in mind?”

“How about a trip to the seaside? Margate perhaps?”

“That sounds great, I haven’t been to the beach in a while!”

“So I’ll see you later then Lor?”

 

Lorelei was just in the middle of grabbing her handbag, she certainly didn’t want Michael to be paying for everything like last time!

“Yeah see you later Maisie.”

Lorelei and Michael got into the car and he started the car ignition. Lorelei for some reason started to feel incredibly nervous.  She grabbed a joint from her handbag and lit it. She saw Michael’s look of disapproval.

“Still smoking those then?”

“Only when I’m nervous. Maybe I should change to nicotine, it’ll probably be better for me!”

“Oh no, nicotine is probably as bad as smoking a joint. Why are you nervous anyway?”

“Well I’m not exactly used to going on dates, I never know how to act…”

“I haven’t really been on that many dates myself so don’t worry about it.” He squeezed her hand and smiled.

 

The journey to Margate took half an hour at tops and it was a pleasant journey. Lorelei allowed the smoke to fly out of the window. Maybe Michael was right. She didn’t need those to calm herself. She just needed to learn techniques to naturally calm herself down. She knew she was safe with Michael.

Once they parked up, Lorelei grabbed her sunglasses from her handbag and got out of the car.

“What a lovely day. So Michael what’s the plan?”

“Well I thought we’d have a stroll on the beach first then grab a bite to eat, maybe an ice cream each? Then I thought we’d go on some of the rides, that’s if they don’t make you feel sick, then after another walk on the beach in the dark, we’ll have a few drinks and some food then head home.”

“That sounds like a perfect day!”

The car park wasn’t far from the beach and Michael immediately grabbed her hand and held it tight. She smiled widely. She noticed there was hardly anyone on the beach, the joys of going to the beach in the week…

 

“You look very nice by the way.” Said Michael.

“Thank you, so do you.”

 

Lorelei soon realised that her shoes weren’t perhaps suitable for walking on the beach but she decided she didn’t care. All that mattered was she was spending time with Michael and it was a wonderful feeling.

 

“Thank you. You ever been to Margate before?”

“No, we used to go to Wales a lot as a kid though.”

“I suppose that isn’t far from Shrewsbury! We used to go to Southwold as children, my parents and my sister Angela. Do you have any siblings?”

“As far as I know no.”

Michael raised an eyebrow.

“As far as you know?”

“Well to be honest I don’t really see my parents much. And their ideals are a little bit unconventional.”

“In what sense?”

Lorelei bit her lip.

“Uhh on the love front. I mean their marriage isn’t open or anything they just don’t believe in contraception.”

“So sort of hippies and kinda Catholic?”

“Yeah that’s it, they’re Catholic. They’re missionaries, so they travel a lot spreading the word of God and all that shit. I was baptised, went to Catholic schools, even the university I’m at has Catholic ties. They wouldn’t have let me study at university if it didn’t have some sort of ‘Catholic ethos’.”

“What university do you go to? Can’t believe I’ve never asked…”

“The University of London, Goldsmiths College. Initially I studied Theology you know just to please my parents but I could only stand a few weeks, it was so boring! So I changed to English, my parents still don’t know. ”

“That’s quite a prestigious university and the accommodation is quite expensive! How can you afford it?”

“Oh my parents give me money towards it. I don’t hear much from them, maybe a letter a month or a telephone call a month. I don’t mind really, they can be a bit suffocating at times to be honest!”

“All parents are like that to be honest though I can imagine in the case of your parents, all the religious talk rammed down your throat can be a bit of a pain.”

“Like you’d think I’d be used to it since religion has always been a big part of my life but I never understood it when I was little. Like some priests don’t understand that trying to indoctrinate people into the Catholic religion from a young age by ramming it down their throat and insult them when they ask questions about the scripture is not the way to teach people the good of Christianity. And I’m sure there’s good but I just haven’t seen it yet.”

 

Michael stood silent for a moment. He realised what an intelligent young woman she really was. Behind all the gobbiness and moodiness, there lay an incredibly smart woman. Why didn’t she bring this side of her out more often? It was so attractive!

 

“So I’m guessing you’re not a big fan of religion then?”

“Not when it’s responsible for taking away my parents. To them, God and Jesus are more important than their own daughter. Just makes you feel a little bit insignificant you know?”

“Is that why you’re a bit, um, how do I say it? Loud?”

“I’ve never felt listened to before so I have to make myself heard. You’re the only person apart from Maisie who actually listens to me, properly.”

“Well I like to think I’m a good listener.”

“You are, I think your problem is, you’re too much of a do-gooder, too nice, you won’t call out on your friends if they’re being unreasonable.”

“So you want me to be like you, too much the other way? Not care about anything?”

 

Lorelei looked at him in horror. She turned her face away from Michael and walked away.

She never considered herself to be cold and uncaring. Was she? Had so many years without a mother and father figure in her life made her that selfish? Maybe that’s why she only had Maisie as a friend.

 

She was known in her English class to be very self-assured, knew her stuff but let everyone know she was smart. She tended to belittle people who didn’t agree with her interpretation of a text or didn’t understand an assignment. She thought about all the times she was mean to the people in her class, how she’d hurt them, crushed their confidence and she felt awful. It was like she’d had an epiphany, a moment of self-realisation of her true character. And she hated it.

 

Michael went up to Lorelei and touched her shoulder tenderly. She turned around to face him and he could see she had tears streaming down her face. Like a fragile child, someone who had been seriously emotionally hurt and completely broken.

“Lorelei are you alright?” said Michael with a sad expression on his face.

She sniffed and rubbed her nose slightly.

“Huh? Yeah you just made me realise what a dreadful person I am.”

Michael touched her cheek and stroked it slightly. He wiped a tear from under her eyes.

“Hey you’re not. What makes you think that?”

“It was for the attention you see. I never got it at home. Well I did when I was little. My father used to be a lecturer in history and my mom stopped at home. Not that I think she wanted to. I mean she’d got brains, she’d been to uni and she committed herself to being a housewife? No way. Then when I went to a grammar school, I was  looked after by my Nan whilst my parents went travelling round spreading God’s word. My nan was an extremely devout Catholic, very strict with me, don’t think she was born with a sense of humour.”

Michael laughed slightly.

“My father is a bit like that. His sense of humour didn’t quite match up with mine. I remember when I was younger and I’d listen to The Goons on the radio, do you remember them?”

“Uh vaguely, I wasn’t very old but I remember someone at school in the playground would bring their portable radio and we’d all listen to the show.”

“I used to listen to their broadcasts in the living room and you know how they used to do all those funny voices and my father would be like ‘something wrong with the set old boy?’ He couldn’t understand the humour at all!”

“I don’t think our parents will ever understand the comedy these days. My parents used to laugh over things, I remember when I was little seeing my mom laugh over something my dad had said a few times. I don’t know what happened once I got older, they seemed to take life so seriously after that. Maybe as I became a teenager all the adult problems came to the surface.”

“It’s crazy really, when you’re a kid you can’t wait to grow up but as soon as you’re an adult you just wish for the carefree days where the most important decision you had to make was where you were going to play out after school.”

“Ah the good old days…” Lorelei said with a smile.

 

Michael enjoyed this side of Lorelei, he got the impression it was a side which didn’t come out very often but he felt honoured she felt confident enough to show a softer side to him.

“Mm indeed. You watched Q5? It’s got Spike Milligan in it and it’s been a big inspiration for the writing of our upcoming show!”

“Oh yes I have, it’s really funny!”

“Ah Spike is a genius. Hopefully I’ll meet him someday and Peter Sellers too.”

“Hey maybe when you’re a famous comedian you will meet them!” said Lorelei with a wink.

He realised they had a lot more in common than he first realised. In terms of comedy but what about her interests? There was still so much more he had to learn about her!

“One day! So what are your hobbies?”

“Surely that was a question you’d ask on a first date?” Lorelei said with a raised eyebrow and slight grin.

“Hmm that’s true but when you’re not an expert in the art of dating women, I don’t know the standard questions you ask a young lady on a first date.”

“That’s fair enough. Well I like swimming, I used to have swimming lessons and I still try and swim once or twice a week. I like my music and singing. I like reading books too and a bit of writing on the side too.”

“That sounds really interesting. I too am into my books and I like going on walks and runs, it’s useful living next to Hampstead Heath!”

 

After a bit more walking on the beach, they had some lunch in the local pub. Michael had a small pint of ale and Lorelei stuck to cider knowing it was a drink she could handle!

They went on the fairground rides and had lots of fun. She hadn’t had this much fun, well ever.

The weather was a lot cooler now and she appreciated walking near the waves on the beach, feeling the wind blowing on her face and in her hair.

Michael grabbed her hand and his fingers intertwined with hers and he squeezed her hand tightly. It was like he never wanted to let her go.

 

“You having fun?”

“Oh yes very much so. I love spontaneous days out. I just love being outside in general. When I was younger my mom and dad used to take us up to The Wrekin every Sunday. Been to Carding Mill Valley too. It’s nice living in Shropshire because the countryside there is so beautiful.”

“Oh yes I agree, I always found Shropshire to be very pretty. Went on a few walks as part of school trips when I was at school!”

 

Lorelei proceeded to sit on the rocks and pulled Michael in her direction. She sat in silence and watched the waves for a while. The rhythm of the waves was relaxing, she leaned her head against Michael’s shoulder, he turned to look at her. What was he to do in this situation?

He put his arm around her and stroked her shoulder.

“You make a nice pillow.” Said Lorelei.

Michael smiled slightly.

“Thanks, I’m glad I have my uses!”

“It’s peaceful isn’t it? Hearing the waves.”

“Yeah then it makes me want to go to the toilet!”

 

The wind blew sharply and Lorelei’s hair went right into her face, she could hardly see! Michael, being the gentleman that he was gently moved her hair out of her face.

“Thanks.” Said Lorelei with a smile.

Michael had still got his hand on her face. He looked deep into her eyes. He grasped her face and pulled her closer to him.

He pressed his lips onto hers and kissed her slowly and hard. Lorelei couldn’t quite believe it, she responded by kissing him back passionately and running her hands through his hair. It was soft and fluffy, freshly washed.

Michael then opened his eyes and smiled. He started to stroke her cheek delicately.

“So what did you think?”

“Wow. Just wow. Is there no ends to your talents?”

“It seems not!” said Michael, slightly embarrassed.

“Thank you for today.” Said Lorelei.

She caressed his cheek and kissed him softly.

 

After a few more minutes watching the waves, they carried on walking and headed into another pub for a few more drinks and some dinner.

She began to feel incredibly sleepy. It had after all been a long day.

“You tired?” said Michael.

“Yeah a bit.”

“Shall we head back?”

“Yeah if you want to.”

“Okay then love.”

They slowly walked back to the car and Michael acted on his impulse to pick Lorelei up and put her into the car.

“Wow you are full of surprises today!” said Lorelei.

As soon as Michael put on some music in the car and drove about a mile, Lorelei was fast asleep.

“Ah how cute.” Michael said to himself.

Lorelei was asleep for the entire duration of the journey and only woke up when Michael had parked outside her flat.

“Oh we’re back. Do you want to come up for a coffee?” said Lorelei.


End file.
